Working on "Me"

I'm a work in progress.
Where am I going? Where am I headed?
It's okay to say, "I'm not sure", and to say, " I don't know where I'm going - but I know where I am."

Currently I'm in the process of putting myself back together. Waiting on health insurance stuff so I can see a doctor and have some help getting my health back on track. Because right now, I can see the road I want to be traveling, but I can't just take off down that track quite yet. It's like I need to make sure I have the right shoes, the right kind of clothes, and the tools I'll need to succeed and survive on that journey.

I do have some of the tools, but I haven't been using them. That's really frustrating. It's like having a car, being at a gas station, having the money for gas, but not being able to put the gas in the car.
I know yoga, I know Tai Ji, I have my Reiki 1 certification. I know how to meditate, to ground, center, clear, and protect. I have crystals, herbs, tarot cards and books. I know how I should be eating.
I just haven't been able to get myself to apply these things to my life.
I'll get there. I'm trying to be patient with myself. I know I have great potential, and my life purpose is just right there, just slightly out of reach.

Be patient with me.
Here's the thing. When I say, "my migraines and anxiety have been really bad lately". - I hear a lot of, " have you tried this herbal remedy? You need to get outside more and meditate in nature. You should use this type of crystal."
These things will all help me, yes I agree! I want to have my healing be a natural, homeopathic, energetic experience. I love that stuff!! I believe in it! But sometimes, traditional doctors and pharmaceuticals are required too. All these wonderful natural methods can't help me if I'm so stuck in pain and anxiety or depression that I can't use them! Yoga and Reiki and Tai Ji are wonderful for relieving pain and improving your mood - but you need to first be able to get out of bed and have the energy to apply them. Herbal remedies are wonderful and helpful, but some conditions need more than that.
There's a common problem in circles of people who are into natural healing and energy work - and that's a tendency to be harsh or judge mental when you meet someone who uses traditional american medicine and doctors. YES there is a problem in this country with over-prescribed pharmaceuticals, and there are people who don't try natural methods and just buy into the "there's a pill for that" mentality. But be careful not to make assumptions about people. When someone tells you they take medication for a health problem, don't assume they haven't tried natural things too. It's exhausting to have to defend myself and my choices to my peers. Just because I take medication for my migraines and my depression doesn't mean I don't value natural herbs and energy work. It just means that in my case, both are needed at this time. I do hope to someday get to a point where I don't need the prescription medication any more; and to be able to manage my health with vitamins, food, herbs and energy work! This is my dream! But meanwhile, I'm not there yet. And I'm okay with that.
This post turned into a rant. But I think I needed to point this out. In the magickal, pagan, new-age community there is a lot of judgment about people who aren't 100% natural. Please stop, and think about what you say before you say it. You may have the best intentions, but your suggestion or advice is not always wanted. Your advice comes with the assumption that I haven't tried the natural way, or that I'm not trying hard enough. That assumption is hurtful.
I will get there. Just be patient with me.