Akhilandeshvari - The Goddess of being Broken

I'm intrigued.  My interest has been sparked by the name of a Goddess that has crossed my path recently.  And as it goes when a Goddess taps me on the shoulder, there's a lesson here and I'm in the midst of it. 
A few weeks ago, this story came across my facebook news feed.  I read it and I thought, this is so interesting, and beautiful, and . . . wow I can relate!  The article was called Why Lying In A Broken Pile on Your Bathroom Floor is a Good Thing and it's about a little known Hindu Goddess - Akhilandeshvari - The Goddess of Never Not Being Broken.  She's an aspect of Parvati (at least from what I can find in my online searching; and in Hindu mythology most of the Gods and Goddesses are all different aspects of each other)  The Goddess of Never Not Broken - the eternally broken Goddess... resides in the state of brokenness.  You know, that raw place of grief or loss where the soul feels so open, like the world and everything can just reach in and touch it?  Yeah we've all been there.  Akhilandeshvari lives there.  Riding on the back of a crocodile (fear) through the river (the eternal energy flow of the universe).  Yeah.  Powerful. 
I know that those moments of brokenness have been some of the most transformative experiences of my life.  After all, when we break apart in pain or grief, we have to redefine ourself, rebuild our life - and we usually come back from that place a stronger person.  It's where that annoying phrase "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" comes from.

So, I made note of this interesting Goddess, told myself I would research her (this was after only reading the article in the link above), and moved on with my life.  Doing my thing.  Taking life in leaps and bounds!  I've been in a state of rapid manifestation and big changes.  Empowered.  Fearless.  Taking big steps and making big changes.  I've been working on an online class to get Certified as a card reader (Tarot & Oracle).  I quit my unsatisfying retail job.  I've been meeting new people and working on starting and organizing a social group for local Pagans in my area.  Experiencing new things.  Feeling so together.  I'm going after my dream, my life purpose!  Amidst all this I also had a chance to get my Reiki 1 certification.  Great!  Adding Reiki to my life just seems so perfect, so wonderful!  And it has been!  The class I took when I received my Reiki 1 attunements was wonderful!

In Reiki 1, we receive blessings that help awaken our inner power to heal ourselves and our loved ones.  We learn that Reiki is a lifestyle, and a big part of the journey is in meditation and working on ourselves.  Focusing on Gratitude.  Learning energy awareness.  Healing and being open to receiving healing . . . on a daily basis.  It's really all so wonderful!  But if you've ever had any kind of energy work done before (or gone through a detox) you know that as you accept that healing - all the negative has to come out.  Things from the past bubble to the surface. 

So here I am, literally lying in a broken heap on my bedroom floor.  I knew that my Reiki teacher had told me that "things from the past might come up, or you might face uncomfortable feelings."  And I knew that this was just a part of healing - sometimes we have to shine a light on those deep dark places.  But damn.  I mean, This is stuff from years ago that I thought was resolved.  I'm asking "Why me?" and "Why Now?" and "can I do this?  Am I strong enough?  Is it time?  Am I ready?"  All that confidence I had, this blissful cloud of change just dissolved beneath me and I had to realize - changing the outside (the external) ain't worth shit if the inside isn't changed too.  And I'm realizing I have to redefine myself, yet again.  Rebuild myself, yet again.  (How many times have I been here?)  And I'm feeling broken and raw and unsure of myself, and then . . . I remembered Akhilandeshvari.  The Never Not Broken Goddess.

So, I started doing some research.  I found another article describing this Goddess

"Pronounced ah-kee-LAN-desh-va-ree, "Akhilandeshvari" translates as "Never Not Broken." She shows us the power and opportunity of being broken into pieces by heartache, disaster, great fortune, and other life changes and traumas.
However She takes this to the furthest extreme, purposefully keeping Herself broken wide open, allowing Herself to flow with every current, creating and fragmenting and recreating Herself endlessly.
She steadfastly refuses to paste Herself together into a stable form, shunning the limitations that She'd have to abide and the false identities that would hide Reality.
She rides on a crocodile: the very survival-fear that keep most of us chained to the known and routine is Her flying carpet! She is not controlled by the need to keep her identity consistent, or even alive. She dances and spins and breaks herself into shards of light, tossing out new possibilities for herself like flower petals from a cherry tree.  

The Goddess Never-Not-Broken promises that the greatest magick is in the transformative moments: the heartbreack, the uncertainties, the pause before we hit the ground... and what we do with ourselves after we land. "

I found a few more websites with scattered and brief information, much of it the same from one site to another.  But that's part of the beauty of this Goddess - the simplicity of being broken.  Undefined.  Ever changing.  Defying definition and boundaries by being constantly in the flow of that river, riding the back of that crocodile, breaking apart and finding power in that state.  A strong sense of peace came over me as I read more.  Well, not "peace" . . . but just knowing.  Trusting.  I can do this.  I am powerful, even when I am broken.  I am still connected to all that Divine bliss, even in my moments of pain and doubt.  Yes. Akhilandeshvari has become part of my personal pantheon, and I invite Her to tap on my shoulder and get my attention any time that I forget that being broken is beautiful.

I also found this traditional chant attributed to Akhilandeshvari, it is quite beautiful and I think I will use it for meditation to help me connect with this aspect of the Goddess!
Also -  found some beautiful art inspired by this Goddess - I think an artist of any kind could really connect with this Goddess. . . because as we create something new we often have to break ourselves into pieces, and as we rearrange them and put those bits of ourselves back together in a new way, art is born.

Hestia's Weekly Musings - The Hanged Man

Here's your weekly reading from Hestia's Muse! I draw a card at my Kitchen Altar at the beginning of the week, asking Hestia (Goddess of The Hearth & Domestics) what advice she has for me for the week ahead.  I also ask that the message I receive will be something that my blog readers will also benefit from.



My kitchen altar, with this week's cards.

This week I did a comparative reading style, comparing the same card from 3 different tarot decks.  First I drew randomly from The Kitchen Tarot and then found the matching card from The Housewives' Tarot and the Epicurean Tarot.  Our card of the week is The Hanged Man.

Left to right, The Hanged Man from; The Epicurean Tarot Recipe Cards, The Kitchen Tarot, and The Housewives' Tarot

Hestia's Message;
This week you need to look at things from a different perspective. Things that haven't been working for you may need to be approached from a different angle, or given more time. Make your chores and goals turn into acts of active meditation and practice awareness. Break down your goals into smaller portions and work on things one at a time. Use your timer and clock to give extra focus and awareness to your tasks this week, and if something isn't working out, consider "hanging it out to dry" for now, until the timing is right!

Affirmation for the week:
"I will connect to my highest values and see the world through my own eyes"

Meditation for the week:
"From the place of humility comes inner strength when the brash ego has faded."

The Hanged Man says;
"You are now placed in a position where you have to look at life from a whole new perspective; think about why you are here, how you got here, and what events and actions have shaped your life so far.  What can you take forward with you from here, and what do you need to sacrifice?  Be brutal and honest in your assessment, and don't be afraid of letting go!"

A Closer Look;
The Kitchen Timer
From The Kitchen Tarot by Susan Shie and Dennis Fairchild
This card indicates a lot of false starts and / or compromised situations.  As we have just had the start of our New Year, many of our minds have been on resolutions and goals.  This week we may find ourselves slipping back into old habits, or realize that some part of our resolution was unrealistic.  This card urges us to take a time out and step back from our frustration.  We may need to break down our goals into smaller, more reasonable and attainable "mini goals".  The Hanged Man is a card that urges us to take a new perspective and as represented here by The Kitchen Timer it may be a good time to look at our time management skills! it's still a good idea to keep working on breaking those old habits . . . but maybe the way you originally thought of doing it isn't working out.  I'm reminded of The FlyLady's method for housework and organizing.  She teaches that the only way to get organized is by breaking it all down into Baby Steps, taking one day at a time and slowly developing new habits one at a time, then adding in a new habit every month or so.  She also encourages the use of a kitchen timer!  Set your timer for 15 minutes and work on that goal until the timer goes off.   Sure, you might not finish your whole project in 15 minutes, but now you can take a break and re-evaluate your progress.  Figure out what's working, and what's not.  Celebrate the progress you made.  The timer also helps you stay focused on one task at a time, and that kind of mindful awareness is a big message of The Hanged Man, no matter what deck you are using!

The Hanged Man
From The Housewives' Tarot by Paul Kepple and Jude Buffum
The Housewives' Tarot always has a way of putting a humorous - if not dark - perspective on the Tarot.  Here we see a Housewife hanging out her laundry to dry - and while she's at it she's hanging that no-good husband out to dry for awhile too!  This card relates to the epiphany that comes from hardship.  Once you realize that something isn't working right in your life, you have that "A-Ha!" moment when you realize you need to change something.  You may need to wait for the timing to be better (waiting for the delicates to dry on the line), or distance yourself from a toxic situation or person.  Whatever it is that's bothering you, a little time and change of perspective might be just what is needed!

 

The Hanged man's Upside-Down Cake

From The Epicurean Tarot Recipe Cards by Corrine Kenner

This deck lovingly pairs a recipe with each card of the tarot.  Often the recipe will in some way represent the card, and can make the act of cooking or eating into a time of mindful active meditation on that card's meaning.  Here is a bit of a twist on an upside-down cake, cooked and served in honor of The Hanged Man;

"The Hanged Man looks at the world from a perspective that's entirely different than the one most of us are used to.  Change your outlook with this surprisingly easy, exceptionally tasty dessert."

 

 

 

• 8 to 10 apples, peeled, cored and quartered
• 2 tsp lemon juice
• 1 cup chopped walnuts
• 1/2 cup butter
• 1 cup packed brown sugar
• 1 tsp cinnamon
• 1 cup flour
• 3/4 cup white sugar
• 1 1/2 tsp baking powder
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1/2 cup milk
• 1/4 cup softened butter
• 1 egg
• 1 tsp vanilla

Place apple slices in a bowl, sprinkle with lemon juice.  Add walnuts

In a large deep cast iron skillet, melt the butter.  When melted, remove from heat and mix in the brown sugar. Place the apple slices and walnuts in layers on top of the butter/brown sugar mixture in the cast iron skillet.  Do not stir.  Set aside.

In a separate mixing bowl, combine the flour, white sugar, baking powder, and salt.  Add the 1/4 cup softened butter and the milk, mix well.  Add the egg and vanilla, mix well.  Pour the batter gently over the apples and walnuts in the cast iron skillet. 

Place in preheated 350 degree (f) oven for 40 minutes.  Let the cake cool on a rack for 5 minutes before inverting onto serving plate.