Working on "Me"

I'm a work in progress.
Where am I going? Where am I headed?
It's okay to say, "I'm not sure", and to say, " I don't know where I'm going - but I know where I am."

Currently I'm in the process of putting myself back together. Waiting on health insurance stuff so I can see a doctor and have some help getting my health back on track. Because right now, I can see the road I want to be traveling, but I can't just take off down that track quite yet. It's like I need to make sure I have the right shoes, the right kind of clothes, and the tools I'll need to succeed and survive on that journey.

I do have some of the tools, but I haven't been using them. That's really frustrating. It's like having a car, being at a gas station, having the money for gas, but not being able to put the gas in the car.
I know yoga, I know Tai Ji, I have my Reiki 1 certification. I know how to meditate, to ground, center, clear, and protect. I have crystals, herbs, tarot cards and books. I know how I should be eating.
I just haven't been able to get myself to apply these things to my life.
I'll get there. I'm trying to be patient with myself. I know I have great potential, and my life purpose is just right there, just slightly out of reach.

Be patient with me.
Here's the thing. When I say, "my migraines and anxiety have been really bad lately". - I hear a lot of, " have you tried this herbal remedy? You need to get outside more and meditate in nature. You should use this type of crystal."
These things will all help me, yes I agree! I want to have my healing be a natural, homeopathic, energetic experience. I love that stuff!! I believe in it! But sometimes, traditional doctors and pharmaceuticals are required too. All these wonderful natural methods can't help me if I'm so stuck in pain and anxiety or depression that I can't use them! Yoga and Reiki and Tai Ji are wonderful for relieving pain and improving your mood - but you need to first be able to get out of bed and have the energy to apply them. Herbal remedies are wonderful and helpful, but some conditions need more than that.
There's a common problem in circles of people who are into natural healing and energy work - and that's a tendency to be harsh or judge mental when you meet someone who uses traditional american medicine and doctors. YES there is a problem in this country with over-prescribed pharmaceuticals, and there are people who don't try natural methods and just buy into the "there's a pill for that" mentality. But be careful not to make assumptions about people. When someone tells you they take medication for a health problem, don't assume they haven't tried natural things too. It's exhausting to have to defend myself and my choices to my peers. Just because I take medication for my migraines and my depression doesn't mean I don't value natural herbs and energy work. It just means that in my case, both are needed at this time. I do hope to someday get to a point where I don't need the prescription medication any more; and to be able to manage my health with vitamins, food, herbs and energy work! This is my dream! But meanwhile, I'm not there yet. And I'm okay with that.
This post turned into a rant. But I think I needed to point this out. In the magickal, pagan, new-age community there is a lot of judgment about people who aren't 100% natural. Please stop, and think about what you say before you say it. You may have the best intentions, but your suggestion or advice is not always wanted. Your advice comes with the assumption that I haven't tried the natural way, or that I'm not trying hard enough. That assumption is hurtful.
I will get there. Just be patient with me.

FlyLady - Pagan Style; Shine Your Sink!

For those of you who don't know what FlyLady is, it's an inspirational website designed to help you clean and de-clutter your home and your life. It helps you create routines that work for you, your lifestyle & your family to help housekeeping become stress-free and something you just do naturally and daily rather than something you put off until the last minute and then stress about when you have company coming over.

I have felt for awhile now that many aspects of the FlyLady program can be applied in spiritual ways to those who consider themselves, Neo-Pagans, Kitchen Witches, Hearth Witches, Green Witches, etc.  I will be going over some FlyLady basics here in my blog and writing about how they can be seen as a spiritual thing; not just a house-cleaning and organizing thing!  If you missed it, check out my post called "FlyLady - Pagan Style; Welcome Letter"

When you start with FlyLady, there are 31 days of "Baby Steps" to help you slowly start to integrate small changes into your daily routines.  It's about developing habits and changing your mind-set to a positive one!

BabyStep Day 1;
SHINE YOUR SINK!

Read FlyLady's Day 1 letter here; Day One- Shine Your Sink! 

My favorite part of this letter is where she says; "The voices that you hear in your head keep telling you that you are behind and you have to get it all done now. We are going to quiet those negative voices that are beating you up constantly and replace them with a loving, gentle voice that tells you that you are not behind and you can do this one BabyStep at a time!"

You may look around your house and think there are areas that need more work than my kitchen sink!  The desk is covered with paperwork, the closets are overflowing, The kid's rooms look like a tornado hit.  It's okay.  We are going to listen to FlyLady and start with one small task for today.  We are going to shine that kitchen sink!  Then for the rest of the day, we are going to keep it shining!  Before you go to bed, make sure it is shining again!  Even if you do nothing else today, and the rest of your house is messy, you will LOVE waking up to a shiny sink!  Trust me!

Here is FlyLady's "Lesson" on How To Shine Your Sink! Check it out!

Keeping your sink shining is going to be your first habit with FlyLady.  Even when I fall way off the bandwagon and my whole house is a mess, I know exactly where to start to feel better... the kitchen sink!  Once my sink is shining I usually feel the motivation start to flow again, and it's easier to keep going and start work on other areas of my home.  Energetically, this makes sense, because all sinks and drains in our home represent and reflect "energy flow" both in and out of our homes.  If the sink is blocked with dishes, clogged with dirt, or just plain grimy, how does this effect the flow of energy in and out of our homes?
In Feng-shui, the Kitchen is associated with both Health and Prosperity, as well as being the "Heart" of the home.  So, as you clean your sink it can be great to visualize this task as a moment you take to care for the "Heart" of your home.  Open the flow of energy... let the good pour in and the bad drain away!  You can easily make the process of shining your sink into a Home Blessing Ritual!  Smudge with some sage, pour salt water down the drain, visualize and pray for the energy flow of your home to become open and cleansed.  Here is a great article called "Clearing Your Sink and Magickally Sealing It." by Confessions of a Pagan Soccer Mom.... I love her ideas and I have incorporated her suggestions with my monthly sink-clearing ritual, as well as just simply visualizing and praying while I shine my sink each night before bed!

So now you have read FlyLady's First Babystep and how to Shine your Sink in a spiritual, magickal mindset!  Off you go.... shine your sink and let yourself feel proud of this small but important task!

FlyLady, Pagan Style! Welcome Letter

For those of you who don't know what FlyLady is, it's an inspirational website designed to help you clean and de-clutter your home and your life.  It helps you create routines that work for you, your lifestyle & your family to help housekeeping become stress-free and something you just do naturally and daily rather than something you put off until the last minute and then stress about when you have company coming over.

I have found the FlyLady system to be a wonderful and positive way to get my life in order, although admittedly, I haven't followed it as closely as I could have!  I have "fallen off the bandwagon" more than a few times!  Yet one of the great things about FlyLady is that you can jump back in at any time!  With FlyLady, I always know exactly where to start!!

Over the years, I have found ways to integrate my spirituality into my household cleaning.  Wait, did I just say that House Cleaning is Spiritual?? Yes, it can be!  I am a Pagan, more specifically an eclectic Neo-Pagan, meaning that I draw from MANY spiritual paths which focus on Nature and the natural cycles of the world we live in.  For many Pagans and Witches, our homes are the central place of our worship, our spiritual learning, our meditation, etc.  Since we don't have Churches to go to, and we don't limit ourselves to only experiencing nature when we are outdoors, it makes sense to think of our homes as our "Temple", or our Sacred Place.  Many Pagans and witches also believe that their spiritual path is a Lifestyle, not just something they do once a week or on the Blessed Sabbats or the Full Moon.  I have found through FlyLady and my own spiritual path, that even the mundane, daily tasks that come with being a wife, a mother, and a housekeeper, can be beautiful parts of my daily Spiritual Life, and I wanted to share with you some ways that I have done this.

I will be going through the different aspects of FlyLady, and talking about how I apply them to my own life as a Pagan.  Today we begin with The Welcome Letter!

When you first join FlyLady you get a Welcome Letter. (and by the way, if you follow my blog, please join FlyLady or at least bookmark the FlyLady website for reference!)  This letter explains the basic idea behind the FlyLady program and how it works.  Please click the Link and read the welcome letter for yourself!!

The first thing you read is what FLY means.  It means Finally Loving Yourself!  All the great spiritual teachers of our time and times long past have taught us that without first Loving Ourselves, we cannot truly love others.  Buddha, Paramasana Yogananda, The Dalai Lama, Ghandi, Jesus, Doreen Virtue, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Sonia Choquette, Louise Hay, Starhawk... to name a few; all teach us that when we truly see ourselves as Divine Children of God/Goddess/The Universe, we begin to truly love ourselves and then the flow of love to others and from others comes more naturally!  With the basic Law of Attraction, if we Love Our self, we invite Love into our lives.  This isn't meaning a type of love that involves vanity or a feeling of self-importance in that we are better than anyone else.  We are all children of the Divine!  But if you don't love yourself the way you love your own children; unconditionally - then you block the flow of true Divine Love from flowing to you and through you!  Without loving yourself, you are constantly criticising yourself, seeing the negative instead of the positive.

When you FLY, you embrace the positive and develop a desire to bring more positive into your life.  When you FLY, you want to eliminate the negatives to make room for the positives.  Maybe you have too much clutter.  Maybe you keep a clean home, but neglect taking care of yourself.  Perhaps you are really good at keeping parts of your home clean and orderly, but there are certain areas that build up and become a source of stress for you.  Maybe you procrastinate and let things build up to the point where it creates stress and a burden upon yourself and your family.  When you FLY, you look around your home and you think, why I am I letting myself - a beautiful Child of The Divine - live in chaos?

FlyLady's Welcome Letter explains that by taking one step at a time, the program will help you build daily routines and weekly plans that will help you run your household more efficiently, thus relieving yourself of stress.  If you embrace the ideal of FLYing (Finally Loving Yourself), then the desire to do this grows stronger.  Building routines takes time, and patience with yourself.  You have to work on developing new habits, slowly, piece by piece; trusting that eventually you will overcome whatever difficulties you may face.  The FlyLady program will help you develop these new habits and new routines, or build on the routines you already have in place.  It starts with the BabySteps, and onward to Daily Flightplans and weekly "Zone Missions", all of which are described in detail on the FlyLady website but I will (hopefully) also cover here - with a Pagan Twist!

Whether you are new to FlyLady, or have been doing it for awhile, take some time today to think about how you Love Yourself.  Are you really acting in ways that show self-love?  Are you being really hard on yourself, criticizing your failures and shortcomings?  Think about your inner voice - is it Loving towards you, or mean?  Would you talk to your child the way you talk to yourself?  How is your self-love reflected in your Daily Life at home?  Are you avoiding things that stress you out?  Is this avoidance just creating more stress and more critical self-talk?  The first step to changing negative self-talk to positive self talk is to be AWARE of your self talk.  Listen to your inner voice, and when you find it being un-loving to yourself, stop and think something positive instead.  Changing your self-talk is something that will take time, and take practice, starting with Awareness and Intention!

Here is a wonderful video of affirmations that will help you increase your self-love, by Doreen Virtue. 

Starting Over

Confession Time; I'm a horrible housekeeper.
Ironic, since my Matron Goddess is Hestia - Keeper of the Hearth.  But this is exactly why She's my Matron; I return to her when I need the motivation to care for my home properly.  She reminds me that caring for my household is a great act of Love - for myself and for my family.

In mythology, Hestia volunteered to keep watch over the Fire of the Gods.  Instead of returning to Olympus with her brothers and sisters to reign and rule, she chose a life of service; keeping the Fire of the Gods lit and tended.  In ancient times it was important to keep the hearth fire of the home lit and ready at all times.  It was the source of heat, light, cooking, and other preparations and activities that went on through the day.  If the fire went out or was untended and dwindled - precious time would be needed to get it going again; time that could have been used being more productive.  One never knew when the fire would be needed, so it was best to keep it steadily going.  As Hestia watched over the Fire of The Gods in this way, she became the Goddess of The Hearth and Home, representing the service of the housekeepers that blessed the household and kept it running smoothly. 

In our modern world, we don't need to keep a fire lit in our homes at all times.  Yet we do take actions that keep the household running smoothly and keep our family safe, fed, and protected.  Paying the electric bill.  Preparing the meals.  Cleaning and Maintaining the home.  Hestia reminds me that these acts of service are a loving choice I make for my family - not an evil chore that I am tied down to or required to do as a slave, but an act of love.

My modern inspiration is the FlyLady.  She has taught me a few simple things that help me keep going, and help pull me back on track when I need it. 

• FLY - stands for Finally Loving Yourself.  It's a reminder that the things I DO are a reflection of self love.  When I care for my home, I care for myself.  When I care for myself, I am free and I give myself wings to FLY.
• Progress, not Perfection.  My home doesn't have to be perfect.  The little things that I do are a blessing, even if they are not done perfectly!  I don't have to be "finished" to have progress.  I don't have to keep a perfect home to be blessed.
• The power of 15 minutes - Progress can be made in a short period of time.  You'd be surprised how much can get done in just 15 minutes.  No need to overwhelm yourself with a big job - just do what you can in 15 minutes!
• You're not behind!  Just start where you are.  This is a big one for me.  With chronic pain and illness, and living with depression and anxiety, I feel like I'm "behind" a lot.  Like I need to "catch up".  I need to remember, I AM HERE.  I AM NOW.  What I can do NOW is enough.

These are the things I'm reminding myself of now.  I've had another period of falling flat on my face and letting things go.  (But that's okay too - as Akhilandeshvari reminds me!)  I'm working hard to not be angry, disappointed or pass judgement on myself.  It is what it is.  I do what I can.  Sometimes, what I can do is not much at all.  Sometimes, just getting through the day is all I can do.  And that's okay!  I live in cycles, as does the world and the whole universe! 

As the Spring Equinox and the New Moon approaches, I'm feeling the call of Hestia, awakening me again.  I'm hearing the words and lessons of FlyLady urging me on.  I'm entering a new cycle, and ready to start fresh.  I know that this won't last forever.  I've come to recognize, embrace, and accept that I am never going to stay "on top"; and that I will time and time again repeat this cycle.  I'll face this feeling again.  That's okay.  The point is that when I do have my moments of "Spring" and hear the call of Hestia - I will answer. 

My starting point is the Kitchen Sink.  As I mentioned, we don't really have a "Hearth" in modern homes.  Even homes that have a fireplace - that fireplace Hearth does not necessarily play the role of center of the home.  So what place in the home does serve as the central focus?  For me, it's the Kitchen Sink.  This is probably because of FlyLady's teachings of Starting with the Kitchen Sink.  Her theory is that if you keep your kitchen sink shiny, the rest comes easier.  It's easier to keep up with the dishes if you're not letting them pile up.  It's easier to be motivated to keep the rest of the kitchen clean and shiny if the sink is clean and shiny.  It's easier to be motivated to keep the other rooms of the house clean if the kitchen is clean.  Then the other things you need to do come easier too, because you don't have to clean before you cook, or you don't have to clean up the living room just because you want to sit down and relax.  In theory, if you keep your kitchen sink shiny, the rest will fall into place (it still takes work, but that's the basic idea)  You can read FlyLady's Kitchen Sink lesson HERE.

So for me, the kitchen sink is becoming my "Hearth Fire".  It is the place to focus on, it is the place to start and the place to end.  Hestia is considered 'The First and The Last" and it was traditional to honor her first thing every morning and the last thing every night.  Incidentally - FlyLady says to shine the kitchen sink first thing every morning and the last thing every night.  So this just works! 
I moved my kitchen altar to the window above my kitchen sink.  So there's Hestia, and an orange candle to represent the Hearth Fire, right above my kitchen sink - reminding me of her lessons. 

I'll be working on other areas of my home too, as my health permits.  I'll be blogging more about my goals, my inspiration, and what is working for me or helping me.  But for now I just needed to get this out there; I'm starting over!